The Spinners End Years COMPLETE
by FullMoonDreams
Summary: Snape asked for help at Spinners End. Instead he got Wormtail foisted on him by Voldemort. Neither is happy with the arrangement. Comedy...er...hopefully...depends on your sense of humour. Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: The characters and places in this story are all the property of JK Rowling. I have merely borrowed them and given them my own little twist._

_Following the release of HBP many Snape fans were in need of some light relief. This was written back then in order to try to provide some laughs in those dark days. It isn't meant to be taken seriously and is written entirely for laughs. The story starts during OotP, just after the mass breakout from Azkaban. It isn't quite finished yet but should be fairly soon. It is currently ten parts long and will be no longer than fifteen when complete. I'll be posting one part per week. There will be no DH spoilers in this story.  
_

_Enjoy.  
_

* * *

**"Snape and Wormtail - The Spinners End Years - A Tale of Domestic Disaster."**

Part 1

Severus Snape shuffled his feet as he stood loitering with the crowd of Death Eaters who were awaiting the Dark Lord's attention.

Newly returned and with the ranks of Death Eaters dwindling Voldemort had given out the top jobs to whoever actually bothered to answer his call.

Now there was a problem. What with the recent mass breakout from Azkaban the formerly incarcerated Death Eaters had now arrived in their droves and were demanding their old jobs back.

"We are the most faithful," Bellatrix Lestrange whined from across the room. "We deserve to be treated as such. Isn't that right Algie."

Severus looked at Algernon Rookwood who sat beside her calmly picking his nose and clearly unconcerned as to whether he got his old job back at all.

"...we have rights..."

"...most faithful..."

"...should be welcomed back into the fold..."

"...unlike others I could mention..."

Severus sat down silently as most of the others in the dimly lit room continued to bemoan their lost jobs, lost youth, lost property.

I'd be more worried about the loss of sanity myself, Snape thought nastily as one former Death Eater started to crawl under the table looking for the invisible pet ferret he had apparently brought out of Azkaban with him.

"I've already told you that you can't stay with us!" Lucius Malfoy declared in a loud, haughty voice that carried over the rest of the din. "You should have thought about accommodation before you decided to break out of prison."

"We can hardly go home," Bellatrix's husband Rodolphus sneered. "It's not like you've not got the room. And we're family."

Lucius snorted; Snape knew he had never really thought much of the Lestrange brothers. Big and beefy but not a great deal between the ears. Snape saw the similarity between the brothers and Draco Malfoy's cohorts, Crabbe and Goyle. He knew that Lucius wouldn't be backing down any time soon and the argument was more entertaining than ferret man who ... Snape took another look ... yes, he did have something live there. Did he really have a ferret in Azkaban?

His question was answered a moment later when the 'ferret' turned out to be a rat, or rather Peter Pettigrew in his animagus form.

Snape laughed aloud as one of the Death Eaters took pity on the rat and returned Peter to his human form, at which point he started to berate the first Death Eater for where precisely he'd been placing his hands. His rant only came to an end when the black door at the far end of the room swung open, an indication that the audience with the Dark Lord was about to begin.

Snape hoped it wouldn't take hours like the last one had; he had to be back at Hogwart's before too long, those potions papers wouldn't mark themselves. Though he could of course skim Longbottom's and Potter's and just give them a D automatically. He might even go so far as a T if he was forced to miss dinner this evening.

Snape shifted impatiently in his seat as the meeting dragged on.

Lucius dug his heels in on every little point, eager to sustain his high-ranking position in the face of stiff opposition. Snape considered marking down Draco's paper in retaliation too.

Finally the Dark Lord reached Severus's own petition.

"Severus," Voldemort said as he sat at the large oak desk. "Step forward."

Severus stood up and walked to the opposite side of the desk and looked down at the parchments scattered across it.

"One moment," Voldemort said as he scrawled something on the parchment directly in front of him.

Severus looked closely at the writing and felt his temper rise as he read the words before him.

One vial of anti-venom

Sneezewort

Frog brains

Firewhiskey

Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans

Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide to Household Pests

Great, Snape fumed silently, let's hold on a little longer while he makes out his shopping list.

"You were wanting more help," Voldemort finally said without looking up from his list.

"Yes, master," Snape began. "I've been-"

"You know our ranks are depleted," Voldemort interrupted.

"Yes, master," Snape replied with a nod. "It would just be for term time. My house at Spinner's End-"

"There are not enough amongst us to spare you a housekeeper."

Severus nodded again. It had been worth a try, especially with so many of the Death Eaters unable to return to their former residences.

He returned to his seat, knowing he could not leave the room until the audience was finally concluded, or else risk breaking the imperturbable charm.

Severus watched with mild interest as the Lestranges were granted the property of one of their fallen brethren who had left no children. There were a couple of muggles living there now but he knew they wouldn't be there for long.

And so the audience dragged on.

"Huh?" Severus stopped smirking at ferret man's latest antics and drew his attention back to Voldemort who was beckoning him forward again.

He rose immediately and returned to the desk where he towered over the form of Peter Pettigrew whose petition to the Dark Lord he had missed completely. He really should have been paying more attention to what was happening.

"What do you think Severus?" Voldemort asked with what passed for a smile on his serpentine features. "Our little rodent wishes to be more useful, more active and have his talents more appreciated."

"A noble aspiration," Severus replied with a sneer at Peter. He wondered how squealing like a girl could ever be useful to the Death Eaters but refrained from asking it aloud.

"I think we can solve three problems with one fell swoop," Voldemort said with another smile, this one even more terror-inducing than the last.

Oh no, Severus prayed as he closed his eyes. Not that. Please not that.

"Wormtail wishes to be more useful, and you need someone to assist you."

Severus felt his face flush at the thought of one of Potter's gang seeing where he lived, and even worse being forced to live under the same roof as him for so much as a single day. Having the little rat snooping through his personal things...no!

"I've had time to re-consider," Severus said. "You're quite right, our numbers are too few. I would not wish to take our furry ally away from more important duties."

"Think nothing of it," Voldemort replied with a wave of his hand that caused ink to fly across the desk. Snape felt a spot hit his nose and saw Peter snicker beside him; he glared back.

"Your efforts these last months should not go unrewarded," Voldemort continued, nodding as he spoke. "It is therefore my decision that Wormtail here should assist you, not just for term time, but until I say otherwise."

"Thank you, master," Severus replied, bowing low, seething the entire time. His only consolation was that Wormtail looked equally disappointed in the turn of events.

Severus backed away from the desk, but not before noticing Voldemort pulling his shopping list towards him and crossing out the final item on the list. It looked like the Dark Lord wouldn't be needing the advice of Lockhart for how to get rid of household pests after all.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

Severus Snape stepped off the Hogwart's Train at King's Cross Station. It was the first time in years he had travelled back with the students but he just couldn't face going home just yet. Apparating had its uses but not when you wanted to avoid something...or someone. Any excuse to put off the inevitable was more than welcome.

He saw Draco Malfoy re-united with his weeping mother and felt relieved to see the back of the boy. He was acting like it was his fault that Lucius had been careless enough to get himself caught and thrown into Azkaban and he wanted Snape to up his OWL grades due to extenuating circumstances. Who did Draco think he was? Dumbledore? The journey on the train with the whining brat had only been made bearable by the knowledge that it was preferable to going home.

Two hours, one train, a muggle bus journey and a long rather unnecessary walk later and Severus Snape stood outside his house at Spinners End. There was no putting it off any longer. He had to face the James Potter Wannabe...that or kick the muggle tramp off the park bench and sleep there tonight.

A curtain twitched next door a moment before the door opened and his nosy neighbour Miss Pickles poked her head outside to call her cat.

"Good evening," Severus called with a nod of hello.

The woman looked startled a moment and her head shot round to face him. He tried not to let her surprise irritate him. In all the years they had been neighbours he had never bothered to greet her before.

"What have you done to my cat?" the woman snarled as she looked suspiciously at him.

Severus looked startled that she thought he'd done anything to her flea-bitten animal. What would he want with her mangy moggie?

"I'm sure he'll turn up sooner or later," Severus replied consolingly.

"It's a she," Miss Pickles replied with another snarl before slamming the door shut.

"Home, sweet home," Severus muttered as he opened the door.

The first thing he noticed was the dust, which set off his allergies the moment he stepped through the door.

The second thing he noticed was the noise of some horrendously bad music, if it could even be called that, coming from the living room. At least Wormtail had had the sense to put a charm on the house so it didn't disturb the rest of the street.

He made a point to confiscate the almost certainly stolen wand before the day was over.

He closed his eyes a second, took a deep breath for patience, sneezed again, and deciding to forget patience, stalked into the room.

Wormtail, sometimes known as Peter Pettigrew, had certainly been making himself at home since he had been assigned to assist him by Lord Voldemort.

He was currently assisting himself to the nettle wine, Snape noted as he glared at the little rat.

Lounging on the sofa, a bottle of nettle wine beside him and his feet, encased in Severus's The Boy Who Lived carpet slippers (an unwanted gift from Dumbledore), currently propped up on the coffee table.

"Making yourself at home I see," Severus sneered from the doorway as he turned off the wizard wireless and the racket emanating from it.

"Ah Shev," Peter slurred from the sofa. "We're almosh out a wine."

Severus stood stock still, his face blanched even whiter than usual.

Six weeks of holidays, six weeks to whip the little rat into shape. Severus looked about the room and saw that it was in the same state of neglect and disrepair as the last time he had seen it. He was hard pushed to decide if six weeks was way too short a time for the task in hand or far too long for his sanity.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's note: I suspect some of you may have noticed that I started posting a new HP story this week which shock horror isn't about Snape or the Marauders. Just to confirm - a lot of that story was in fact already written some time ago (shortly after the release of OotP) and I am posting a part a day until it is all online. So don't be surprised to see those alerts. I haven't forgotten about the other stories and now the Lupin Origins is caught up with the Snape Origins one I hope to keep them running pretty much in tandom until the end of the school year. _

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Part 3

Severus woke up the following morning to the sound of off-key singing coming from the attic directly above him. He groaned and turned over, pulling a thick pillow over his head as he moved. It was no use; the sound of the screeching from Wormtail was not going to be drowned out this way. He reached across to grab his wand from the bedside table and considered casting a spell to dull out the sounds from above him.

"Oh, what's the point?" Snape snapped to himself as he dragged himself out of bed. He wouldn't get back to sleep now anyway. He'd just have to remember in the future that Wormtail was (who'd have thought?) a morning person and take precautions to ensure that he wasn't disturbed.

Thirty minutes later Severus was seated in the kitchen, studiously ignoring Voldemort's owl, Snowflake, who was tapping away at the window and trying to gain his attention.

"I'll let him in shall I?" Wormtail said from across the table where he was finishing off the last of the coffee, thus depriving Severus of his customary fourth mug.

"Leave him out there for a bit," Severus replied, stopping Wormtail in his tracks.

"It might be important?" Wormtail replied, looking worriedly at the window.

"If it was urgent the Dark Lord would summon me through the Dark Mark," Snape pointed out, as though to a child. "He only sends his owl for trivial nonsense."

"What if it's for me though?" Wormtail replied. Severus smirked as he waited for the little rat to realise what he had said.

"Perhaps it is," he finally replied when he had seen the desired embarrassed reaction from Wormtail. "Why don't you go see?"

Wormtail jumped up and scuttled to the sink where he reached to open the window and let in the now frantic bird. He reached for the scroll it was carrying and yelped in pain as Snowflake bit hard into his finger before flying casually over to the table and dropping the missive into Snape's porridge.

He scowled at the bird but picked up the scroll anyway.

_Severus._

_Confirmation is required that you are now available for additional duties throughout the summer holidays. Please reply in the affirmative by return, indicating preferred choice of service._

_1. Potions Master_

_2. Torturer_

_3. Clean Up Crew_

_4. Werewolf tamer_

Severus quickly ticked the first option as he had done every other time he had received the pointless form. It wasn't like he wasn't going to be ordered to do whatever the Dark Lord wanted, the pretence at choice and democracy was almost laughable.

Severus was about to send the scroll back when he spotted an addition to the previous ones.

_Ensure Wormtail ticks his preferred choice of service from the following options._

Severus looked towards the little rat who was still blubbering over his cut finger. He didn't know what was in the message. He didn't know he had to choose something. Severus smirked to himself and ignoring the knowing gaze of Snowflake he silently read the options for Wormtail.

_1. Clean Up Crew_

_2. Broomstick valeting service_

_3. Bathroom Attendant_

_4. Werewolf tamer_

Severus calmly ticked the last box on the list. No sense letting the little rat have a cushy little number and he doubted that his waxing poetic about his pals at Hogwart's would go down too well with the current stock of werewolves. With a bit of luck he'd be maimed and incapacitated by the end of the week.

Severus re-attached the scroll and shooed the bird out the window before Wormtail realised he was missing something.

Next job - get ratboy out of the house for a while. Severus quickly did a scan of his potions cabinet and within a few minutes Wormtail was on his way to Diagon Alley for supplies.

"But what if someone recognises me?" Wormtail whined in horror at his first task of the day.

"It's the price of fame," Snape said consolingly as he unceremoniously kicked him out of the door, lying that he had run out of floo powder and suggesting Wormtail pick some up while he was there.

"Good morning Miss Pickles," Severus greeted his neighbour from the doorway. He snickered as he saw Wormtail look around and realise he couldn't apparate either.

Miss Pickles sniffed loudly but didn't reply. She looked down her nose at Wormtail as though trying to decide what he was. Severus gave Wormtail a smug little wave as he hurried down the road and out of sight. Severus knew that on a busy morning such as today he would have a rather long walk before he found somewhere quiet to apparate from. Not that he was bothered, the longer he was out from under his feet the better.

He nodded to Miss Pickles as he went back inside. It was a pity that there wasn't a permanent way to get shot of the little rat.

Then in a moment of crystal clarity it came to him.

A minute later Severus Snape knelt at the back door to his house with a saucer of milk before him on the step.

"Here kitty, kitty," he called, feeling slightly ridiculous and hoping Miss Pickles didn't hear him as he tried to entice her cat out from wherever it was hiding.

He hoped it was a good mouser.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

Snape jumped at the sound of the unwanted voice and banged his head hard on the underside of the table.

"Whatcha doing?" the whining voice repeated as Snape rubbed the back of his head and winced.

"I don't see that's any of your concern," he replied with a sneer at Wormtail who stood in the doorway looking across at him with open curiosity.

"I could help," Wormtail responded and Snape knew that his offer stemmed from wanting to know what he was doing far more than actually offering assistance.

"You can help by doing the tasks I already set for you," Snape replied, and with a wave of his wand he made yet another duplicate list appear hovering in front of Wormtail's podgy face.

Ah, that's an improvement, Snape thought to himself nastily. Three days of Wormtail's company and he was entirely sick of the sight of him.

"I just thought I'd offer to help," Peter said as he grabbed the list and put it to one side. "You don't have much time before you have to meet the Dark Lord."

Oh, of course, that was why he had suddenly got all helpful and pleasant, he was worried he'd give Voldemort a bad report. Like the Dark Lord didn't have more important things to worry about, he'd probably forgotten all about foisting the wretched rat off on him.

Snape opened his mouth to tell him precisely that but reconsidered almost immediately. If Wormtail was worried he'd give Voldemort a bad report it might be just the incentive he needed to get off his backside and actually do some work.

"That's right Wormtail," Snape said, fixing him with a cold glare as he stalked across the room towards him. "This afternoon the Dark Lord will be wanting a report about how much _assistance_ you have been to me."

He ran a finger along the grimy shelf that ran the length of the wall and looked scornfully at Wormtail who suddenly scurried for the cabinet where the muggle cleaning utensils were.

Snape smirked as he recalled once again that Wormtail now had no wand to assist him in his domestic duties. He left him rummaging through the cupboard and settled down in his most comfortable chair with one of his favourite books. He shifted slightly as he realised that Wormtail had been using his chair and had moved the cushions around. He made a mental note that that was an ideal place to set one of his mousetraps.

A cry of pain from the kitchen told him that Wormtail had already found the one that he had just placed under the table.

Two hours later Snape left Wormtail, who had been cleaning the kitchen with vigour, to go to Voldemort's meeting. A sneaky look through the window before he apparated away revealed that the sound of the door closing had been Wormtail's cue to drop everything and put his feet up.

"Great," Snape muttered to himself, "the only way he'll work is when I'm standing over him and I can't stand his presence."

But that problem would have to wait until later. The Dark Lord didn't like his Death Eaters arriving late to meetings.

* * *

"Is everyone here?" Voldemort asked from the front of the room.

Nods and mutters of yes sounded throughout the room. Snape yawned widely, not bothering to reply at all.

"Is that the best you can do?" Voldemort asked with disappointment. "Come on people, show a little enthusiasm. Now let's try again. Is everyone here?"

The second response wasn't much better than the first and Voldemort shook his head in dismay.

"Well I hope the latest threat against us will be enough to generate a little more excitement."

Snape looked up at that and gave the Dark Lord his attention. The summer was generally a quiet time of year and both sides of the war normally called an unspoken truce. He'd heard nothing from Dumbledore to indicate that things were heating up and he wondered what it was that Voldemort had heard about.

He looked at Voldemort and could see they were in for a long wait as he dragged out his announcement as long as possible.

Bellatrix was practically jumping up and down in her seat in anticipation.

Narcissa on the other hand wasn't looking especially pleased; she'd been campaigning for a prison break for Lucius since about an hour after he'd been arrested. At least a new threat meant that that was out of the question for the time being. The last thing he wanted was Lucius "The Dark Lord's Pet" Malfoy hanging around and sucking up to Voldemort at every opportunity.

Algernon Rookwood eventually broke the silence as he jumped up from his seat and squealed "it's the Cornish pixies isn't it? Isn't it? I knew they'd make their move eventually."

Snape snickered and rolled his eyes. Rookwood's stay in Azkaban had certainly had an effect on him, he'd always been a little strange but now he was just plain barking mad. It was just a shame that Voldemort had a soft spot for all those who had served time for their master.

"It's much worse than that," Voldemort answered with what he probably thought was a kindly smile but in fact looked more frightening than his worst expression of fury. "It's the Easter Bunny."

"Huh?" Snape said, a noise that was echoed throughout the room along with some nervous laughter. In fact the only person not looking at Voldemort in confusion was Rookwood who was nodding seriously. Snape guessed Voldemort was having one of _those_ days today.

"Word has reached me that the evil Rabbit known to muggles as the Easter Bunny has been mobilising his forces and is ready to make his move."

"But Easter's gone for the year," Rodolphus pointed out, ignoring Bellatrix's elbow sharply digging into his ribs.

"Exactly," Voldemort replied with a nod. "A surprise attack is practically upon us."

"But you know about it already so it's not a surprise," some smart aleck at the back pointed out.

"Crucio," Voldemort called out as everyone in firing line dove out of the way. Quite a few Death Eaters had learnt the hard way that whilst Voldemort's red snake-like eyes were certainly eye-catching he couldn't see too brilliantly with them these days and he flatly refused to go see anyone about getting some glasses.

The afternoon wore on and Snape shifted repeatedly on his wooden seat wishing he'd ever managed to get the hang of the spell that could conjure up a more comfortable chair.

Finally Voldemort had finished telling them all about the Easter Bunny's plan to dethrone him and it came to the time when he allocated tasks to the Death Eaters so that they could thwart the plans of their enemy.

He stood in line awaiting his turn, snickering as Bellatrix tried, without success, to convince Voldemort that she was allergic to rabbit fur.

Snape listened intently to the jobs that were being given to those in front of him.

- Collecting eggs of unusual colours and bringing them to Voldemort for inspection: Some of the Death Eaters were already talking about dragon eggs being presented for a laugh.

- Spying on all muggles who owned pet rabbits; did he know how many people had the creatures as pets?

- Checking ribbons weren't hexed to strangle the wearer.

The list of Easter Bunny related tasks went on and on and Snape wondered vaguely what his own task would be and all too soon Voldemort was facing him. He hoped he could keep a straight face.

"To you, the most important task, I give," Voldemort nodded and raised his hands for silence. "I charge you with bringing the leader to me for questioning, I want you to find the Easter Bunny and bring him here within two weeks."

Snape's jaw dropped and the sounds of suppressed giggles from the Black sisters filtered into his mind.

"Of course, Master," Snape replied with a deferential nod as he backed away. He didn't know which was worse, the evil Voldemort as he normally was or this unhinged Voldemort that occasionally showed up after his rebirth.

* * *

Snape arrived back at Spinner's End just as the sun was setting.

Wormtail hadn't moved from Snape's chair and was snoring loudly.

It was time to call in for reinforcements Snape decided. Five minutes later he had scribbled a message to Minerva McGonagall inviting her to afternoon tea and a game of scrabble. He was quick to include advice that because he lived in a muggle street she might be advised to visit in her other form.

Finally, just to be spiteful, Snape cast a nice loud spell that shook the house and woke up Wormtail who dove for the hidden door to his attic room.

Snape only realised his mistake when the sounds of the neighbours outside filtered into the room. In his eagerness to wake up Wormtail he'd forgotten to cast the Imperturbable Charm on the house.

Between the rat and the rabbit he started to wonder if the insanity of his companions was contagious.


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

Severus stood outside with the rest of the neighbours as they all looked wildly around as they tried to establish where the loud bang had emanated from.

"It must have been an earth tremor," Severus said in a loud voice that quietened down all but the most hysterical of the neighbours. "We must have been near to the epicentre."

A few nods from the confused neighbours and Severus pressed his case home before returning inside knowing that the muggles would believe anything he told them as long as it sounded reasonable. They only saw what they wanted to, something for which he had had cause to be thankful for on various occasions in the past.

Inside the house he knew instantly that Wormtail was not going to buy into the earthquake story.

"What was that noise?" Wormtail asked as he looked out of the window with a worried frown and watched the last of the neighbours return to their houses.

"It was a warning for you from the Dark Lord," Severus improvised. "He's not happy with your lazing around here."

"I've not been lazing around," Wormtail whined as he tried to subtly step to the side and hide the remnants of Severus's luxury size box of chocolate frogs, which he had spent the past hour finishing off.

"The Dark Lord knows otherwise," Severus hissed as he pushed Wormtail aside and saw that there was not a single frog left.

"I'll go tell him the truth," Wormtail said as he moved towards the fireplace and put his hand up to grab the floo powder. "Huh?"

"I put the floo powder away in a safe place," Severus smirked. "And if the Dark Lord wanted to hear from you, don't you think he'd have summoned you for the meeting?"

"Why wasn't I summoned?" Wormtail asked, the thought clearly never having crossed his mind until that moment.

Severus cursed himself silently, knowing that Voldemort had probably meant to summon Wormtail too, and only his temporary insanity had made him forget. He had certainly noticed Wormtail's absence and had questioned it. Thankfully he had bought the story Severus had spun, that Wormtail had in fact known about the Easter Bunny threat and was weaving baskets that were going to be charmed into listening devices and carefully planted into the enemy camps.

Severus smiled to himself as he conjured up the raw materials that Wormtail would need before explaining. With each word he took renewed pleasure in the look of annoyance on Wormtail's face.

"Next time I'm coming to the meeting with you," Wormtail said.

Severus remained silent as he left the room and hoped that Voldemort's sanity soon returned, because in two weeks time he was expecting an audience with the Easter Bunny, courtesy of Severus.

---------------

The next day Severus left Wormtail pulling apart the basket weaving items and called to him a parting shot of "remember you're making baskets and not a nest" as he went outside.

Looking first towards one garden and then another he decided to at least see how many of the neighbours had pet rabbits. If worst came to the worst and Voldemort was still unhinged in two weeks perhaps Severus could get away with using an engorging spell on one of the neighbourhood pets and dressing it up a bit. A couple of ribbons and he'd never know the difference.

Three gardens along the row and he found the first rabbit hutch. Carefully he lifted the latch and the door sprang open.

"Oy, what d'you think you're doing?" a voice yelled from the doorway behind him.

Severus jumped up and turned to face the muggle owner of the house.

"What're you doing to Bugs?" a young girl asked as she dashed around her father and ran to the hutch. "He's trying to steal Bugs," she said as she secured the hutch again and turned to Severus with a glare that would rival Voldemort's.

"You stay right there mister," the man in the doorway ordered. "Gladys, call the cops, we've got a rabbit thief 'ere."

Severus wasn't worried until he reached for his wand and found it was not where he normally carried it. Recalling getting stuck for a moment in the hedge two gardens away he knew that he must have accidentally dropped the wand as he'd crawled through.

"They're on their way," Gladys said as she came to the door too and looked at the captured thief. "Severus?" she asked in shock.

Oh no, Severus thought as he closed his eyes momentarily.

"You know him?" her husband asked in confusion.

"It's Severus from down the road," Gladys explained. "You must have met him Bert. He's lived here as long as I have. We grew up here together."

"You never mentioned an old boyfriend living here," Bert answered as Severus paled in horror and the glare of the young girl turned into an assessing gaze.

"Why were you trying to steal Bugs?" the girl asked, taking a step back and keeping one cautious eye on the hutch.

"Maybe Severus's pet toad wanted some company," Gladys suggested with a sickly sweet smile that Severus found rather alarming. "I'll go call the police and tell them it's a misunderstanding. Won't you join us Severus?"

Severus looked longingly at fence he had climbed over and the hedge on the far side beyond before he remembered that Wormtail was back at his house and his company was even less preferable to the muggles in front of him.

"I'd be delighted," Severus replied as he tried to keep the sneer in his voice to a minimum.

An hour later and Severus was bored out of his mind as Gladys recalled story after story of their time growing up on the street as children. Unfortunately most of the things she recalled were not of things they had done together as children, but rather the result of the numerous memory charms that had been cast by his mother on the nosy child who had been forever popping over to the Snape household for one odd reason or another.

The only thing more annoying than the reminiscing of Gladys was the continual questioning of her daughter, Doreen.

"Do you really have a pet toad?"….."It died. Now I have a rat, who bites."

"Why don't I ever see you round here?"…."I work at a boarding school."

"Are you really a school teacher?"…."Yes."

"Why don't you teach at my school?"…."Because I don't."

"What subject do you teach?"…."Er…."

"Can I see your rat?"

Severus smiled to himself at the thought of Wormtail being played with and pulled about by the irritating girl. But no, as tempting as the thought was he had no intention of letting him have the cushy job of being a pet again. He'd had more than enough of that at the Weasley house.

Eventually Severus made his excuses and returned home to find Wormtail had long since given up on the basket weaving and had instead decided to help himself to the six pack of butterbeer.

He had barely had time to throw Wormtail out of his seat before the sound of an owl tapping on the window drew his attention. He opened the window and let in Minerva's owl. He read her note and saw that she was going to be arriving shortly with news from Hogwarts.

"Minerva McGonagall will be here any minute. You'll have to hide."

Wormtail disappeared up the stairs and Severus went to the back door to retrieve his wand before Minerva arrived. He saw that he was too late however and she was coming through the hedge in her cat form, his wand carefully between her teeth.

He stepped aside to let her in and after he had taken his wand back she transformed into her usual self.

"You really should be more careful with that," Minerva said with a shake of her head. "What was it doing in your neighbour's hedge?"

Severus groaned and shook his head.

"We know that Voldemort's planning something," Minerva said, cutting out the small talk that she knew he disliked. "We've started getting some disturbing reports."

"Reports?" Severus asked.

"We received the first earlier this evening about a robbery at the dragon conservation colony. Several dragon eggs were stolen. We suspect that Voldemort is planning on trying to train them to attack which would be disastrous."

"I shouldn't worry about that report," Severus said with a casual wave of dismissal. "What else have you heard?"

"Well we heard from one of our spies working at a muggle tabloid paper that they are running a story about a spate of thefts today at London pet stores. We wouldn't have noticed it except the reporter is sure it is the same gang and the only way they could have got around the city so quickly is with magic. The muggles haven't noticed that but it's only a matter of time. Do you know what Voldemort might want with the rabbits that have been stolen?"

"I'd ignore that report too, if I were you."

"Is there something you're not telling me?" Minerva asked as Severus studiously ignored her and looked at the rather hideous portrait of one his grandparents that hung on the wall.

"Severus?" she encouraged.

"Voldemort is convinced that the Easter Bunny is a threat to him," Severus finally blurted out.

He looked at Minerva and watched the expressions flit across her face, disbelief, confusion, understanding and finally the wicked sense of humour that not everyone was fortunate enough to see.

He felt the involuntary twitching of his own mouth and a moment later they were both in stitches as they laughed and Severus filled her in on the details.

It was a couple of hours later when Minerva left and another hour after that before Wormtail ventured downstairs again.

"You sounded like you were having fun?" Wormtail questioned as he scurried around the edge of the room. "Giving away all the Dark Lord's secrets. I don't think he'd be too pleased to hear about that."

"The Easter Bunny is a threat to everyone," Severus said without looking up from the Daily Prophet where he saw that Wormtail had not only started the crossword he normally did himself each evening, he'd filled it in incorrectly.

"I don't think the Dark Lord would see it like that," Wormtail said as he looked through the cupboards for the floo powder and found another mousetrap.

Severus smiled as Wormtail squealed.

Tossing aside the paper he stood up to leave the room, thinking how much nicer it had been when Wormtail had been out of the way. There was nothing else for it, he'd have to start entertaining everyone he knew in the wizard world in order to ensure that Wormtail stayed in the attic.

Severus Snape…Social Butterfly. Somehow it just didn't sound quite right.


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

The next morning Severus woke up just before dawn, intent on setting his plan in motion before Wormtail rose.

He finished off three helpings of cereal, just so that the box was empty by the time the rat came down, and then he started his correspondence.

First of all he wrote another message to Minerva, on the basis of thanking her for a lovely evening and suggesting they make it a weekly event. Then after sending his disgruntled owl out into the uncommonly chilly morning, he chewed on the end of his quill as he tried to think of who else he could invite over.

He was still trying to think of someone who might actually come to his house when Wormtail came into the room.

He smirked to himself as Wormtail realised that there was no cereal left and left the house in a sulk to go to the muggle grocery store down the road, the nearest shop and the one where he was least likely to be recognised.

Wormtail arrived back with several sticky buns which he closely guarded and clearly had no intention of sharing.

"They'll rot your teeth even more than they are already," Severus warned with a nasty sneer. Wormtail ignored him and continued to stuff himself, the icing circling his mouth.

Severus turned away from the sight and looked out of the window, pleased to see that his owl had made a record flight to Minerva's house and back. It was only when the bird swooped down into the garden and through the window that he realised his mistake.

"Who's that from?" Wormtail mumbled, his mouth still otherwise occupied.

"That's top secret," Severus said as he turned to remove the scroll out of the sight of the prying eyes of the rat.

"I'm one of the Dark Lord's most loyal followers," Wormtail insisted as he tried to look around Severus's shoulder.

"Even if that wasn't entirely debatable it doesn't give you the right to pry into my personal correspondence."

Wormtail scowled and took a large bite out of the last of the iced buns as he went to sit back at the table.

Severus opened the scroll hoping for some important task that would keep him from enduring the company of his unwanted houseguest. What he found was, at first glance, scarcely better than junk mail.

It had been Severus's practice to ensure that his students didn't forget their studies during the holidays and each summer he had set an extremely lengthy written assignment a grade or two higher than was necessary for all his students. Not all of the teachers approved of the assignments he set, but nothing had ever been said, particularly after that time eight years before when he had allowed a student into his NEWTS potions class after his essay over the holidays had convinced him that maybe he had been a little ill on the day of his OWL, and he had deserved an Outstanding grade rather than Exceeds Expectations. Naturally the student had been in Slytherin house.

Most of the essays arrived by owl on the last week of the holidays, some were even at the school waiting for him when he returned. He didn't want any of the little brats knowing where he lived so they were sent to the school and forwarded on by Filch.

But there was one which seemed to arrive earlier and earlier each year, that of the annoying Miss Granger. For her to have got her essay done this quickly she must have been writing it on the train itself.

Severus looked through her work, trying in vain to find something to correct, but the only fault he could see was that either she had been snooping in the restricted section of the library or her parents were very lax about what they let their darling daughter read.

He scowled and shooed the bird away. Unfortunately this one was even more persistent than the postal service one she had used last year and he continued to flap about the room, determined not to leave without a reply.

Wormtail sat at the table grinning at first, then laughing out loud until Severus threw a wet sponge from the sink at him in a desperate attempt to shut him up.

Then suddenly he had another idea, even better than last evening's. Each summer Miss Granger sent her essay back in record time with a note asking for more work. Each year he left it until the last minute before marking it and sending it back, mainly to keep her worrying about what she might have missed. But this year he would do something different. He would invite all the future sixth years to join him for private tutoring through the summer.

It would keep Wormtail out of the way, there were enough students to stretch things out for a few weeks at least, and, despite rumours to the contrary he did enjoy teaching. He would make it voluntary which would ensure that Longbottom, Weasley and most importantly Potter, would not wreak havoc in his home. In fact other than Miss Granger who was sure to attend it was highly likely that only Slytherin students would volunteer at all. It was ideal.

"You're up to something," commented Wormtail as he finished off the last iced bun.

Severus grinned nastily in response and was pleased to see Wormtail turn a rather unflattering shade of green before he dashed out of the room and ran upstairs to the bathroom.

"This day just gets better and better," Severus said as he flicked open a cupboard with his wand and after rummaging around the back of the disinfectants found the chocolate cake he had hidden earlier in the week.


	7. Chapter 7

_Author Note: Erm..yes, last week's update...I...er...forgot. I was in the middle of a really good book and it completely slipped my mind. I was able to update one of my other stories as the parts were already online here waiting to be added but by the time I remembered about uploading and formatting this one...well you get the general idea. I didn't think anyone would actually notice. But sorry anyway._

---------------------------------------------------------------

Part 7

"Lost something?" Severus asked without looking up from the Daily Prophet. Not that he didn't know of course that Wormtail was still half-heartedly searching for the floo powder so that he could leave on his first mission for the Dark Lord.

Severus would have told him where it was but for the fact that searching gave the little rat some exercise that might help him to lose a bit of the weight he had gained whilst loafing about at the Weasley house.

He wondered how long it would take him to figure out that the floo powder was safely hidden away in Severus's bathroom cabinet.

"I picked up a large supply of floo powder," Wormtail muttered as he flung things out of one of the living room cupboards at random. "You can't have used it all, you've not been anywhere."

Severus scowled at the snide tone Wormtail used and the insinuation behind his words that he had no friends to visit. The fact was that he didn't like the company of most of his contemporaries and much preferred the quiet solitude of his home. Something he was struggling to remember as the noise Wormtail was making increased tenfold.

"Make sure you clear that up before you go," Severus ordered as he casually pulled out his wand and silently cast a spell to topple over a couple of precariously balanced potions bottles. Yes it was childish, and yes it meant that Wormtail would be in the house even longer before he left, but some things he was just incapable of resisting.

"Where have you put it?" Wormtail demanded as he glared at the mess on the threadbare carpet.

"I seem to recall that general housekeeping is your duty," Severus sneered back. "Which means that if you were doing your job properly you would know precisely where it is, since you put it away."

"I put it away in the cupboard next to the fireplace," screeched Wormtail, pointing accusingly at the cupboard he had ransacked first before tearing apart the rest of the room.

"My first student should be arriving soon," Severus announced with a tight smile. "I suggest you tidy up here and then be on your way. The Dark Lord doesn't like to be kept waiting; you know that."

"Student?" Wormtail asked, his eyebrows raised at this bit of news.

Severus smiled genuinely this time; he'd managed to keep Wormtail out of the loop with regard to his home tutoring service, waiting for the opportune moment to spring it on him. It looked like that moment had finally arrived.

"Since you've been so helpful around here I've found myself with a little more free time and have volunteered to offer my expertise…"

Wormtail snickered.

"…my expertise," Severus repeated, "to the more promising students who wish to further their education in the summer months."

"Just Slytherin students right?" Wormtail asked.

"No, as a matter of fact the student I am tutoring this morning is from Gryffindor, you've met her in fact."

Wormtail paled slightly and Severus's grin widened maliciously.

"Not the Granger girl?" Wormtail whispered.

"That's the one," Severus replied with a nod.

"You'd never let a Gryffindor into your house," Wormtail insisted, disbelief evident on his face.

"Funny, I thought I already had," Severus replied with a pointed glare. "Miss Granger will be here within the hour. If by some miracle you complete your mission today, I would suggest you don't return until mid-afternoon at the earliest."

"What mission is this anyway?" Wormtail wailed, and actually going so far as to stamp his foot in frustration. "No one tells me anything and the scroll that owl brought this morning was most unhelpful."

"I'm not privy to all the Dark Lord's instructions. I know no more than was in the note."

Severus looked back to the front page of the Daily Prophet, the page that bore the news of werewolves attacking on the outskirts of York. It looked like Voldemort's new Werewolf Tamer would have an interesting first day on the job. Not that Wormtail knew that yet, but he would find out soon, when it was far too late to wriggle out of things of course.

"Okay, have it your way," Severus said with another evil grin. "I'm sure the Dark Lord will understand that you're too busy or too scared to handle your first solo mission. And no doubt Miss Granger will be delighted to catch up with you and your news. You can tell her the tale of how you single-handedly resurrected the Dark Lord who has sworn to kill one of her best friends."

Wormtail scowled, knowing he had been backed neatly into a corner.

Severus left the room and went downstairs into the laboratory in his cellar, leaving Wormtail to clear up the mess and leave.

When he was sure that the coast was clear Severus returned to the living room to wait for Hermione Granger to appear. He knew without a doubt that she would arrive promptly at 10am as he had suggested. With a bit of luck he could have her out of the house by 11am and then enjoy the long overdue hours of peace and quiet.

He looked around the room and spotted the new dark patch on the carpet that the potions he had spilled a short while ago had made. He scowled and glared at the stain as he pulled out his wand to get rid of it. Not that he should care what any of the students thought of his home, he'd never been particularly house proud and time had taken its toll on the furnishings and the building itself. But some small part of him did mind, and it was that part of him that had him rapidly casting spells to not only clean up the stain on the carpet but to fix the crack in the window and repair the small hole in the curtains.

He was just contemplating whether to magically clean the windows when the doorbell rang. A glance at the clock on the wall revealed it was precisely 10am.


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

"Professor Snape?" the beaming man on the doorstep was not at all what Severus was expecting when he opened the door. "Delighted, Hermione has told us all about you."

Severus felt a shiver of unease run down his spine at Mr Granger's words and he wondered just what his bushy-haired daughter had been saying about him. The daughter in question stepped around her father, at least Severus assumed it was Hermione, it was rather hard to tell who was behind the wobbling tower of books.

"We just wanted to make sure that she got here safe and sound," Mrs Granger said with a hesitant smile. He caught her discreet glance behind him and realised that she and her husband were expecting an invitation into his home as well.

Hermione's pile of books teetered towards him and he stepped forward to prevent them falling to the ground, thus clearing the way for her parents to move past him and into the house.

Five minutes later and Severus was seated in his living room opposite the Grangers. Hermione had swooped in on his own favourite seat, and he had been quick to direct her parents to the mousetrap free couch. Unfortunately that meant he was perched on the end of the chair that he normally relegated Wormtail to, with a mousetrap ready to be sprung if he moved even an inch further backwards.

"We can't tell you how excited Hermione was when she received your owl offering tutoring during the holidays," Mrs Granger gushed as her husband looked around the room with an assessing gaze.

"I wanted to ask you about a few points I wasn't sure of in my essay," Hermione said as she thumbed through one of her books.

"Your essay was perfectly _acceptable_," Severus stated in as neutral a tone as he could manage.

"You didn't think that perhaps I should have mentioned…"

"It didn't need anything else adding," Severus interrupted in a slightly harsher tone that raised the eyebrows of Mrs Granger who cast a worried look in the direction of her husband.

Hermione opened her mouth as if to say something, closed it again and then closed the book she had opened, although Severus was quick to spot that she had kept her finger between the pages and had a sneaking suspicion that he hadn't heard the last about her essay.

The sooner this lesson was over with, the more time he would have for rest and relaxation without the constant twitterings of unwanted visitors and houseguests.

"Perhaps if you could explain how these holiday lessons are going to work?" Mrs Granger asked as Hermione nodded eagerly.

Severus felt relief that he'd taken the extra time to think this through as he explained that the lessons would take the form of a short lecture followed by a practical potions lesson in his basement laboratory.

"What time should we call to collect Hermione?" Mrs Granger asked. "Three o'clock?"

"Eleven," Severus replied, knowing five hours in the company of Miss Granger was more than he could stomach.

"Will that be long enough to get started on the more complicated potions?" Hermione queried. Severus scowled as he realised that she was probably right and amended the time to noon. It would still give him plenty of time to relax before Wormtail returned.

Ten minutes later and the elder Grangers were on their way, though Severus sensed they still had some reservations about leaving their daughter to his care for even a couple of hours. What did they think he was going to do to her? Test his experimental potions on her? Tempting as the thought might be.

-----------------------------------------------

Wormtail arrived at the Lestrange house, still no wiser about what his mission was than he'd been when he left Spinners End.

"About time," Bellatrix muttered as she swept into the parlour, where Wormtail had been told to wait by the house elf. "I take it you've already seen the news about the attacks?"

Wormtail looked blank.

"In York?" Bellatrix tried.

Still nothing was registering on Wormtail's face.

"It was on the front page of the Daily Prophet this morning!" Bellatrix exclaimed with exasperation. She pointed at a tray across the room where a copy of the newspaper rested alongside some biscuits and a pot of steaming tea.

Wormtail scurried across the room and helped himself to a biscuit.

"They're for the guests," Bellatrix hissed, rushing across the room and slapping his hand as he reached for a second one.

"Aren't I a guest?" Wormtail asked between bites.

"No!" Bellatrix picked up the newspaper and slapped it into Wormtail's hand. "You're here to work."

"Doing what?" Wormtail asked as he flicked through the paper for hints as to what it was he was meant to be working at.

"Try the front page," Bellatrix advised with a long-suffering sigh.

"Werewolves in York?" asked Wormtail, shrugging his shoulders, failing to see how it had anything to do with him.

"At last!" Bellatrix rolled her eyes. "They're running amok and as the Dark Lord's Werewolf Tamer it's your job to go and sort them out. They're risking exposing our world and are attacking at random instead of on the Dark Lord's orders."

"Werewolf Tamer?" Wormtail squeaked.

"This is the name of the place where they usually hang out," Bellatrix said as she passed him a piece of paper, pointedly ignoring his increasingly hysterical sounding mutterings. "I suggest you get there before moonrise."

Wormtail looked at the paper, muttered "werewolf tamer?" one more time and dropped to the floor in a dead faint.

"Damn," Bellatrix sighed and looked at the clock on the wall. "Couldn't he have stayed conscious for three more minutes?"

"Told you he didn't know anything about it," Rodolphus gloated as he came into the room.

"Snape must have put him up for it without telling him," Bellatrix snickered.

Rodolphus pulled out his pocket watch and made a show of looking at it. "According to my timing Goyle wins the pool for nearest guess on how long before he passed out."

"Just three more minutes and I'd have…" Bellatrix kicked Wormtail with the toe of her shoe.

"You should have let him have a second biscuit," Rodolphus advised with a deep laugh.


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

Wormtail trudged down the road, casting one last annoyed look over his shoulder at the house he'd been unceremoniously kicked out of a few minutes before.

Werewolf Tamer?

Since when had that been his position in the Dark Lord's army? He'd never volunteered for the job, he was sure of that…wasn't he?

He went over all the meetings he'd attended, all the times he'd been in the Dark Lord's presence, and nothing sprang to mind until, with vivid, horrific clarity the night of the Malfoys' last Christmas party came to mind.

The evening was very much a blur with just snatches of memories coming to the forefront of his mind.

He recalled standing, hopefully, under the mistletoe, waiting patiently for Lucius's cousin…whatever her name was…to see him. At least until Draco had muscled him out of the way.

He remembered drifting to the buffet table and sampling the fruit punch. It had quite a kick to it.

He definitely remembered being kicked in the head by one of the wilder members of the Malfoy clan who had chosen to dance on the tables. He still maintained that he'd only leaned across the table to wipe up some of that delicious fruit punch that had spilt on the slippery surface.

Then there was that little episode on the dance floor. How was he to know they were jeering his dance moves? He'd thought they were cheering until they'd started throwing things at him.

And so he'd retired to the buffet table for some more of that lovely fruit punch.

He'd remained there for some time until The Roof Incident. An incident he had tried to push out of his mind forever, but was now starting to come back to him.

---------------------------------

"Don't touch _anything_," Severus ordered as he flicked on the electric light in his basement laboratory a short while later. Mr and Mrs Granger had departed and after a brief lecture to Hermione about the upcoming lessons he could no longer put off allowing her into his sanctuary.

He caught Hermione looking in surprise at the muggle light switch and resisted the temptation to flick it on and off again repeatedly to show her that he'd noticed her reaction. The house was in the middle of a muggle street for goodness sake; did she think they'd decided to pass over his property when they'd dragged the area into the twentieth century and installed electricity?

"Take a seat," he instructed, pointing to one of the stools near the table. Hermione perched herself on the stool and placed her books on the table in a neat little pile.

Severus pulled out his wand and neatly levitated them right back off the table and onto a shelf near the doorway.

Hermione watched in dismay but at the forbidding frown he threw at her she remained in her seat.

"I thought we'd start with something simple, something you have prepared before," Severus said as he moved about the room, opening cupboards to reveal ingredients and cauldrons, all stored in their rightful places. "The Draught of Peace."

"But I made that one nearly a year ago," Hermione blurted out. "There wasn't anything wrong with it."

Severus scowled at her impertinent tone and her continued complaints died on her lips.

"Nevertheless, this is the potion you are going to be required to make this morning. Please begin."

Hermione stepped down from the stool and walked straight to the shelf by the door.

"What do you think you're doing?" Severus asked as she reached to pull down one of her books.

"Getting last year's textbook for the instructions," replied Hermione with a bewildered expression.

Severus stalked across the room and took the book from her hands, replacing it back on the shelf.

"I thought for these tutoring sessions we would see how much you've actually _learnt_," Severus stated in as cold a tone as he could manage. "I am quite well aware of the fact that you can read instructions from a blackboard or a textbook, but how about when you have neither to assist you?"

Hermione looked crestfallen as she looked blankly around the room clearly at a loss for where to start.

"The cauldrons are over there." Severus pointed towards one of the cupboards with a barely suppressed sneer.

He had to admire how quickly she pulled herself together as she flew around the room pulling ingredients out of the cupboard and lining them up neatly on the table.

Maybe he'd been wrong and she would actually manage to produce the potion without the instructions. If she succeeded he'd certainly be able to put the potion to some good use. He'd been considering making some himself anyway to help get through the holidays with his sanity still intact.

He watched as she pulled out a jar of porcupine quills and looked at them in doubt.

Then again, maybe he'd better make the potion himself after all.

-----------------------------------------------

Wormtail arrived at the address Bellatrix had given him and wearily pushed open the door. The bar was almost deserted; Wormtail climbed up onto one of the high stools and waved over the lone barman who was patiently cleaning glasses.

The Christmas party was still on his mind when he tried to order a glass of fruit punch.

"What you think this is? A ruddy cocktail bar?" the man asked with a contemptuous laugh. "Beer or whiskey?"

"A butterbeer," Wormtail said with a sigh.

"A what?" the man asked. Wormtail looked about the room before realising that he was in a muggle bar and that butterbeer was out of the question too.

"Beer," he amended.

The barman pulled a pint and pushed the glass towards Wormtail. "That'll be one fifty."

Wormtail rummaged in his pocket and dropped a couple of galleons onto the bar.

"We don't accept no funny foreign money in 'ere," the barman said as he looked curiously at one of the coins.

Wormtail reached across to snatch it back with one hand whilst the other scrambled to find the muggle money.

The barman gave him a strange look as he walked away to serve an elderly man who was waving to get his attention from the other end of the bar.

"It was that Christmas party," Wormtail muttered to himself as he glared around the room.

-----

_The Previous Christmas Eve_

_----- _

Wormtail stood lurking near the buffet table, a glass of punch in one hand and a mince pie in the other.

He'd just taken a rather large bite out of the mince pie when he spotted Lucius gesturing discreetly at him from the doorway. He took another bite of his pie before sauntering over to the increasingly desperate looking Death Eater.

"We have a problem," Lucius said as he dragged Wormtail into the study across the hallway. "One only you can help with."

Wormtail felt himself flush with pride at the thought of a task that Lucius, Top Dog Death Eater, thought only _he_ could accomplish.

"The Dark Lord is on his way to the party," Lucius whispered. "His owl arrived a short while ago with his RSVP, it seems the bird got lost because of the way the reply was addressed."

Wormtail gave a look that he hoped conveyed his surprise, unable to speak with his mouth still crammed with mince pie.

Lucius sighed, pulled out the missive and Wormtail leaned across to look at address.

_**Christmas Party Capital of Europe**_

"Looking at it the bird has been everywhere from London to Reykjavik." Lucius scowled at Snowflake, lying in front of the fire like a pampered cat. "You know what this means of course?"

"We need to get the party games out of the way now, before he gets here and demands to win them all?" Wormtail asked.

Lucius sneered and rolled his eyes. "Read it!"

Wormtail reached for the returned invitation. He read the words twice to make sure that he'd got them correct.

"If he wants to meet Father Christmas why come here? Why can't he hike himself off to the North Pole?"

"I imagine that Draco has something to do with that," Lucius muttered. "Stupid kid told the Dark Lord that he'd been a good boy this year and so he thinks he's got the best chance of meeting him here…tonight."

"But Father Christmas doesn't exist," Wormtail pointed out.

"No? Really?" Lucius's voice was laced with sarcasm. "Well Draco has apparently told him that Father Christmas is a reclusive wizard, who uses the floo network and time turners to get the job done, and in his rather unstable state the Dark Lord wants to meet him."

"Why?" Wormtail asked.

"So he can ask why he never got any presents as a child," Lucius muttered.

"I can take a wild guess on that one," Wormtail replied.

"Can't we all?" Lucius hissed. "Do you volunteer to tell him?"

Wormtail shook his head quickly and started backing towards the door.

"I'm not telling him Santa doesn't exist," Wormtail insisted as he stumbled over the coffee table.

"You don't have to," said Lucius with a smile that Wormtail found extremely worrying.

Ten minutes later and Wormtail was dressed in the Santa suit that Lucius had conjured.

"I can't do this," Wormtail whined as he looked in the mirror.

"You're the only one that can," Lucius said. "No one else here has your…er…unique physique."

"You could do a spell on someone-"

"Out of the question." Lucius waved his hand as he conjured up a sack of parcels. "No one else is will-, er…able to help."

Wormtail ran through all the excuses he could think of before he finally realised that he had no choice.

"I'll just sit here and wait for him then, shall I?"

"Of course not," Lucius sneered. "You have to come down the chimney whilst he's in here."

"Okay." Wormtail nodded. "Where's the floo powder?"

"You can't floo out of here and back in again," advised Lucius. "You won't know when it's the right time and you're not wasting all our stock of floo powder getting it wrong. And you can't apparate here either, the estate is magically protected."

"Then how do you suggest I get in here?" Wormtail asked, a worrying thought coming into his mind.

"You'll have to come down the chimney," Lucius said with a thoughtful nod. "As long as Santa is here the Dark Lord probably won't notice that he didn't actually floo in."

"You mean go up on the roof?" Wormtail squeaked and felt his stomach flip flop over. He hoped he wouldn't be getting reacquainted with the half dozen mince pies he'd scoffed a short while ago.

"Exactly," Lucius stood up, and leading the way out into the hallway and up the stairs, they soon arrived in one of the guestrooms of the upper floor.

Wormtail felt more and more sick as Lucius described how he should go out onto the balcony, climb his way up the precarious looking vines, before hoisting himself onto the roof and making his way to the fourth chimney to the left.

"I can't do all that," said Wormtail, shaking his head and backing away again.

"Then you'll tell the Dark Lord that Santa doesn't exist?" Lucius asked.

"I thought not," he continued when Wormtail remained silent.

And so it came about that on the arrival of Lord Voldemort at the Christmas party Wormtail was not enjoying the festivities like everyone else. Instead he was hanging from a now damaged drainpipe, much to the hilarity of the guests who had come out onto the lawn at the sound of screams.

Even worse, the Dark Lord had arrived at the party with the full use of his faculties and had heard Wormtail screaming and ranting about the lack of a proper job.

-----

_Present Day_

-----

"That must be it," Wormtail muttered as he finished his pint. "This is his idea of a proper job and it's all Lucius's fault. Lucky for him, he's in Azkaban."

He was still plotting what he would do to Lucius, if he weren't safely out of his reach, when the first of the werewolves arrived in the pub.

And he'd thought the day couldn't get any worse?


	10. Chapter 10

Part 10

"What are _you_ doing here?" Remus Lupin asked in a dangerously quiet voice as he approached the bar.

"Just having a quiet drink," Wormtail replied as he edged away from the man he hadn't seen in just over two years, and who had threatened to kill him.

"Get out, now," Remus hissed. "Before I forget where we are and take up again where we left off the last time we met."

Wormtail moved in his seat, looked desperately towards the door, back at Remus and back to the door again.

"I mean it," Remus advised, casting a cautious glance towards where the others he'd arrived with were sitting waiting for him to return with the round of drinks.

"I'm here on business," Wormtail finally muttered, deciding that much as Remus was scaring him, the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters scared him even more and he wasn't going to risk going back to them without speaking to the werewolf community. He looked at the group Remus had arrived with; they didn't look so bad, quite civilised really.

"I don't care why you're here," Remus warned. "Leave…now."

"Five minutes," Wormtail asked. "Just five minutes."

Remus nodded, looking far from happy as he waved the barman over and ordered drinks.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Severus watched as Hermione appeared to struggle to remember the correct order of the ingredients. He noted that her memory was better than he'd given her credit for and although she was working slower than in the classroom with the instructions she was actually working accurately.

The sound of the doorbell ringing from above made the both of them jump and he watched Hermione drop far more powdered moonstone into the potion than was required.

"You'd better scoop some of that out before it sinks from the surface," he advised, pointing to the shelf of empty beakers and bowls.

Hermione nodded and he turned away to go see who it was that was now persistently ringing his doorbell.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wormtail downed the rest of his beer in one and followed Remus towards the table of werewolves lurking in the far corner of the pub.

As he approached one or two of them gave him a small nod of recognition; none of them looked like they had any interest in what he had to say.

"I'm here on behalf of the Dark Lord," Wormtail began.

"_Really?_" came the sarcastic answer from a scruffy looking red-haired man at the far corner of the table.

"He's not very happy with you all," Wormtail continued, and a few of the men around the table cast meaningful glances at each other.

"You're drawing attention to yourselves and our world," Remus interjected in a hissed tone. Wormtail threw him a grateful look before he realised that it was merely coincidence that Remus was here for the same purpose that he was. He wasn't trying to help him because of their old friendship, it was merely that their agendas coincided.

"Attacking the son of one of the local MPs was plain reckless," Remus continued. Wormtail sat back in his seat and absent-mindedly reached for the beer of one of the werewolves. He felt it snatched back out of his hand before it had reached his lips.

"_Our_ world?" spat one of the men who'd remained silent up until this point. "Now which world would that be? You know as well as the rest of us, maybe even better than some of us, that we'll _never_ be a part of the wizarding world. Or do you still think you can find your place in _their_ society?"

Remus took a drink from his own pint as he considered his reply. Wormtail edged backwards in his seat as he felt the tension rising. He wondered whether it might be worth leaving now and hoping Voldemort considered his job completed.

"Whoever wins this war will be the ones that we have to coexist with," Remus pointed out. He gestured to Wormtail who shifted in his seat under the steady gazes of the others. "Even the Dark Lord thinks you've overstepped the mark this time. Maybe it's time to consider that even if he should gain complete control, you still won't have the freedoms that he's promised you. It might be time to consider working legitimately for better rights for all of us inflicted with this curse."

At the end of the short speech Wormtail clapped enthusiastically whilst the rest of the werewolves sat in silence.

"Erm…" Wormtail faltered when he realised that he'd been cheering on the wrong side. "Noble sentiments…but you mistake the Dark Lord's intentions."

"The Dark Lord wishes to have our world exposed by reckless werewolves attacking anyone they run across?" Remus asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No, of course not," Wormtail hesitated again. "He just wants to make sure that everyone's…er…working on the same page."

"You mean he wants to control us!"

Wormtail didn't even catch who had spoken first as the rest of the group expressed their own dissatisfaction at being taken for granted and used by the Dark Lord since his return to power.

"He's using you!" Remus pressed home the advantage Wormtail had inadvertently given him.

Thirty minutes later Wormtail left the pub wondering just whether to count his first mission as a victory or a defeat.

On the plus side, he'd come through it alive and the werewolves would not be randomly attacking anyone in the York area.

On the down side, Remus had pretty much convinced most of the group that the Dark Lord was using them and they had no intention of following his orders in the future.

Perhaps a partial report would be better. No sense troubling the Dark Lord with bad news if it wasn't necessary.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Severus opened the front door. With a groan he looked down to see Doreen had come to call…and had brought her rabbit too.

"We've come to play with your pet rat!" Doreen declared as the frantically struggling rabbit escaped her arms and shot through the living room.

"He's out," he replied automatically before he realised how ridiculous it sounded. Doreen clearly agreed as she slipped past him and chased after Bugs whilst calling out for 'ratty'.

Severus looked back out of the front door and glanced up the street towards his young visitor's own house. There was no sign of either of the parents coming to drag their daughter back home. He'd have to find a way to get rid of her himself, preferably before she noticed anything odd about his house.

He shut the door and hurried back into the living room, just in time to see the girl reach her hand into the box of chocolate frogs.

"Can I have a chocolate?" she asked as she opened one of the boxes.

The chocolate frog leapt from her hands and she let out a squeal of fright.

The sound of hurried footsteps on the stairs warned him that Hermione had heard the scream too.

"It's alive!" Doreen cried as she jumped onto the sofa and glared at the now stationary frog on the carpet.

Hermione burst through the door to the basement her wand at the ready.

"Put that away," Severus ordered with a glare. Thankfully Hermione realised her error at once and did as she was told.

Thankfully Doreen hadn't even noticed Hermione. She was jumping from one foot to the other on the sofa that was creaking ominously.

Wondering if this wasn't some sort of horrible retribution for all the memory charms his mother had been forced to work on the girl's mother, Severus pulled out his wand and set about casting his own.

Five minutes later the girl was on her way home, none the wiser to existence of the world of magic.

"How's the potion coming along?" Severus asked Hermione who was still lingering in the basement doorway. He fervently hoped that she had managed to brew a decent one. If he hadn't needed the Draught of Peace before he certainly needed it now.

Hermione turned round and returned to the basement, Severus close behind her.

As he walked down the stairs he had a sneaking feeling he'd forgotten something important. He brushed the feeling aside as he looked into the cauldron.

Upstairs Bugs scrambled into the cupboard that contained the cleaning utensils and set about devouring the remaining stash of cakes.


	11. Chapter 11

PART 11

The potion wasn't quite up to Hermione's usual standards was first thing that sprang to Severus's mind as he looked into the cauldron.

He tried not to breathe as the noxious fumes rose from brew.

"You wouldn't by any chance have left it brewing – unattended – whilst you were poking your nose in upstairs were you?" Severus looked down at the flushed Hermione with a sneer.

"I thought there was an emergency up there," she replied.

"_Evanesco_," Severus said with a flick of his wand, causing the potion to vanish. He'd have to find the time to make a batch himself if he was going to get through the holiday with his sanity intact.

"This won't harm my grade for last year…or next year…will it?" Hermione asked nervously.

Severus smirked slightly at the thought. It hadn't actually occurred to him to do that. A few more lessons like this and the swollen-headed girl could actually find herself with an _acceptable_ grade instead of her usual _outstanding_.

Unfortunately Minerva would never allow him to get away with it and he knew it. Not that he had any intention of telling Hermione that.

"I can try again," said Hermione in a rush as she glanced at her watch.

"There's not enough time to complete it," Severus replied. "I suggest you go get your book and read up on where you went wrong. I'll consider letting you try again if you come back for another lesson."

"I'll do it right next time," Hermione promised as she pulled the book from the shelf.

Of course she would, Severus reflected. She'd memorise the potion formula before she arrived at Spinners End…which was why next lesson he knew he'd have considered that she try her hand at another potion.

----------------------------------------------------------

Severus settled back into his favourite chair, a glass of nettle wine on the table beside him, the crossword in front of him and the wizard wireless turned to his favourite station.

Peace and quiet at last.

He glanced at the clock and saw that he had at least a couple of hours, hopefully three or four, before his unwanted houseguest returned.

He hummed slightly to himself as he contemplated the clue for one across.

----------------------------------------------------------

The meeting with the Dark Lord hadn't gone quite as badly as Wormtail would have thought. He was still alive which was always a bonus. Though he had to admit that the meeting had spiralled downwards somewhat once he'd tried to request another position instead of that of Werewolf Tamer.

The only thing on his mind as he left however was how to get back at Snape for signing him up for the job in the first place. He knew he hadn't ticked any option for duties this summer, but the Dark Lord had produced the form immediately he'd requested another job. There was no other explanation…Snape had put him up for the job.

He was still fuming as he apparated to the riverside near Spinners End. He told himself that it was his anger that caused him to misjudge his aim by the half dozen feet that landed him right in the middle of the river with a splash and a squeal.

He scrambled to the wrong side of the riverbank and began the long journey to the nearest bridge, trying to ignore the laughter of the muggle boys who suddenly seemed to be swarming the vicinity.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" he yelled at a couple of particularly annoying hecklers who had taken to trailing after him.

"School holidays mate," one of them shouted back. "Couldn't you afford the couple of quid for the swimming baths?"

Wormtail swore softly as he squelched his way down the footpath.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Severus had finished the crosswords in both the muggle newspaper and the Daily Prophet, enjoyed his favourite show on the wireless and was contentedly dozing in the armchair when Wormtail returned.

The slam of the door pulled him out of a particularly pleasant dream and he opened his eyes to see the particular unpleasant sight of Wormtail dripping water and mud all over his newly cleaned carpet.

"Werewolf Tamer?" Wormtail screeched. "You…you…you…"

"No," Severus replied with a smirk. "I'm the Potions Master, you, Wormtail are the Werewolf Tamer."

Wormtail screamed long and loud whilst stamping his feet and waving his fists about.

Severus looked at him in amusement before finally leaving the little rat to finish his tantrum and clean up the mess he'd made.


	12. Chapter 12

PART 12

The summer storm was raging outside, bringing an end to the stifling heat of the last week.

Severus sat in his favourite chair reading the evening edition of the Daily Prophet when he heard the tell-tale sound of Wormtail apparating into the back garden.

He glanced up and saw the little rat heading towards the front door and knew that the foolish creature had apparated right into the middle of the muggle street.

Severus stood up and went to the door leading down to the laboratory. He opened it wide and as the front door creaked open he called down the stairs. "How's the potion coming along Miss Granger?"

A quick glance to the front door revealed that Wormtail had heard him and had changed his mind about entering the building, preferring to take his chances in the rain outside.

Severus smiled to himself and returned to his chair.

--------------------------------------------------------

Wormtail wandered down the street and sat down on a bench in the nearby bus shelter.

After two buses had pulled alongside him, only to be waved on again, he decided to head back to Snape's house to see if the coast was clear.

He eased open the front door for a second time and listened carefully for any sound of the Granger girl.

"The bathroom's the second door on the right," he heard Snape call from the foot of the stairs. "I'll put the kettle on and we'll have a cup of tea whilst waiting for your potion to simmer. It should take about an hour."

Wormtail swore under his breath and backed quickly out of the door.

He vaguely recalled seeing a muggle public house not far from the shops Snape was constantly sending him to and headed in that direction.

------------------------------------------------------

Severus turned on the wireless with a flick of his wand and sat back to listen to his favourite show. It was the first time he'd heard it in peace and quiet since Wormtail had been foisted on him.

He was just contemplating his next ploy to persuade Wormtail to stay out of the house when Dumbledore's phoenix patronus appeared and announced a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix in one hour at Grimmauld Place.

Snape stifled a grimace at having his relaxing evening cut short but reasoned that it did mean that he could save his other lines for the next time Miss Granger was due to attend for extra tutoring.

He would be at the meeting by the time that Wormtail returned from wherever he was hiding out and the little rat would be none the wiser to the fact that Hermione had in fact left the house several hours ago.

------------------------------------------------------

Severus arrived at Grimmauld Place at precisely the appointed time. He wondered if his spells at Spinners End would keep Wormtail out of the house until he returned. He smiled to himself at the thought of Wormtail being stuck outside for however long the meeting lasted. The smile was still on his face when the door was opened.

Remus Lupin looked somewhat startled as he looked up at him. Severus felt the smile disappear at the sight of another member of James Potter's gang and the habitual sneer re-appeared instantly.

Lupin shook his head slightly as though he was unable to comprehend what he had initially seen.

"Well are you going to permit me to enter or am I going to stand here all evening?" Severus asked.

Lupin jumped back and waved Severus past him and into the house.

Severus breathed a sigh of relief that at least he didn't have to put up with Sirius any longer. Lupin on his own was not too bad, not that he'd ever admit it to him.

"Wormtail doesn't seem particularly suited to his position as Werewolf Tamer," Lupin commented as they made their way to the kitchen. He turned and raised an eyebrow in question.

"He wanted the job," Severus muttered.

"You're sure you didn't put him up for it?" Lupin asked.

"He likes running around with werewolves," Severus sneered. "I'm sure _you_ remember how much he enjoys that particular activity."

"Actually I don't," Lupin replied. "Before the wolfsbane potion I never had any recollection of what I'd done as a werewolf and Peter was never as enthusiastic as the others about hanging around with me when I was like that."

"I am well aware of the properties of the potion," Severus snapped. "I also have quite clear recollections of the four of you plotting and planning your monthly escapades around the Hogwarts countryside."

"Come now, come now," Dumbledore said from his seat at the head of the table. "Let's not quarrel about the past. We're all on the same side now."

"Quite right, Dumbledore," Lupin replied with an apologetic smile.

Severus gave a curt nod and muttered crawler under his breath.

Dumbledore nodded and smiled at Lupin. Severus wondered whether Dumbledore had heard his muttered comment but the older man didn't reveal whether he had or not.

"Now, the Easter Bunny reports," Dumbledore continued. "I take it Voldemort is still having one of his…er…episodes?"

Severus nodded. "It seems to be lasting longer than any of the others. I think perhaps because so many of the Death Eaters are encouraging this particular delusion for their own amusement."

"Is there any way of discouraging them for this course of action?" Dumbledore asked. "Perhaps before the entire country is overrun with illegally imported dragons?"

"I told yer," Hagrid interrupted. "Them there dragons are welcome to come up to Hogwarts. I'll take care of 'em."

"I'm sure you would," Dumbledore replied with a smile. "But we don't want to take you away from your other duties and dragons are a full time responsibility. Just look at Charlie Weasley and the time he has to devote to them."

"I wonder if 'e'd like an 'elper," Hagrid mused.

Severus sighed loudly in frustration at another meeting that was clearly going to be side-tracked. He didn't know which meetings were worse, these or those called by the Dark Lord. On the one hand there was no risk of an unforgivable curse flying round the room at a meeting of the Order. On the other hand it was not exactly pleasant to spend so much time with so many people who trusted him only because Dumbledore said to.

"Any ideas how you're going to produce the Easter Bunny?" Tonks asked with a wicked grin.

Severus glared at her.

"Tonks has a point," Dumbledore commented. "And perhaps once he's seen the Easter Bunny things will revert back to normal."

"Normal being He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named sending his Death Eaters after us instead?" Kingsley pointed out. "I say let him chase after some mythical rabbit for as long as he likes."

"Unfortunately the Dark Lord has put me on a deadline for when I need to produce this mythical rabbit," Snape pointed out. "And no matter how unhinged his mind currently is, he is still rather accurate when letting loose curses on those who have displeased him."

"When is your deadline?" Dumbledore asked.

"The end of the week," Severus replied with a sigh of frustration. "I was hoping the episode would have passed before now."

"Do you have any idea what to do if he is still…er…"

"Barking mad?" Severus interrupted. "I thought of using an engorging spell on a regular rabbit and dressing it up a bit."

"But the poor rabbit won't be able to answer questions," Tonks pointed out.

Severus glared at her. "Have you got any better ideas, Nymphadora?"

Tonks glared at him though he pretended not to notice and looked at Lupin instead. Lupin was shaking his head slightly and he knew he was tempted to make the usual comment about not teasing Tonks about her name. Like he'd ever take the advice of Lupin, whose friends had teased him about his own name for years! At least he was using the girl's proper name and not mangling it into something even more irritating. Considering the increasingly lovesick glances she kept sending in Lupin's direction he could certainly think of a variation or two that she'd find even more insulting.

"Perhaps it might be possible to find someone to dress up as the Bunny?" Dumbledore suggested with a smile. "Surely someone could put on a convincing show if they had incentive enough?"

The members of the Order cast furtive glances at each other whilst avoiding Dumbledore's questioning look. Severus smiled, knowing that he was the one person who couldn't volunteer for that particular assignment.

"Oh I didn't think any of us should take on the task," Dumbledore continued. "Far too dangerous with the current state of affairs. But perhaps Severus might know someone…"

Severus frowned slightly as he tried to ascertain the direction of Dumbledore's thoughts, then a slow and rather vicious smile cross his face as he thought of the perfect solution to the problem.


	13. Chapter 13

PART 13

By the time Severus arrived back at Spinners End he had considered and discarded more than a dozen plans to pass off Wormtail as the Easter Bunny.

It wasn't that the Dark Lord would notice the difference. The problem with his eyesight was a blessing in this regard.

The problem was getting the little rat to co-operate.

Severus opened the door to the living room and saw that once again Wormtail had settled himself down in the most comfy chair and had apparently moved on from Severus's own stock of alcohol and had instead been imbibing muggle spirits.

The rat was now snoring loudly and Severus had to consciously restrain himself from hexing him awake. Instead he slammed the door loudly and watched Wormtail bolt from the chair with an agility he'd never have believed he possessed had he not seen it for himself.

"You're late," Wormtail said in an accusatory tone.

"Am I?" replied Severus coldly.

"Is dinner ready?" Wormtail asked.

Snape raised an eyebrow but didn't bother to answer that question. He pointed his wand at the various bits of debris that were now scattered around his living room and set about cleaning up the mess.

"Are you ordering muggle takeout again?" Wormtail asked.

"Why is it," asked Severus, "that since the Dark Lord appointed you as my housekeeper, I seem to spend most of my time tidying up after you?"

Once the rubbish was cleared away Severus turned his wand towards Wormtail and delivered a glare that had never failed to leave any of his students quaking in their boots.

"Do you practice that look in a mirror?" Wormtail asked.

Severus turned the glare up a notch or two and advanced across the room. Something was wrong. Wormtail wasn't cowering as he normally did in such situations. Instead he looked almost brave as he looked up at him. He knew something that Severus didn't. The only question was _what?_

He didn't have to wait for long to find out. Wormtail couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it.

"The Dark Lord has sent you an owl," Wormtail said as he pointed to the already opened missive.

"Reading my private correspondence again," Severus said in a deceptively silky voice. He walked across the room and picked up the parchment to see what more bad news was heading his way.

"So how are you going to produce the Easter Bunny?" Wormtail snickered. "The Dark Lord is expecting a meeting with it. I'm thinking you might not be the Dark Lord's favourite for much longer."

"And_you_ aspire to that position?"

"The Dark Lord is grateful for all I've done."

"The Dark Lord will never trust you completely. You turned traitor once, he knows it's within you to do so again."

Wormtail scowled and looked like he was about to continue arguing.

Severus quickly skimmed the letter and rolled his eyes. It contained nothing more than a reminder of his mission and the usual death threats if he were to fail.

Failure was simply not an option. He looked at Wormtail and grinned maliciously. The rat shrank backwards before turning tail and running for the stairs.

"Run rabbit run," Severus snickered.

--

By the end of the week Severus had formed something of a plan and had descended into his laboratory to put the final stages of it into operation.

Wormtail had ventured into the basement only once. Severus had been pleased that his modification of the spell used on the girls' staircases at Hogwarts had been a success. He'd watched Wormtail slide down the stairs and then eventually scramble his way back up them again. The occasional mild spell blasted at the rat's backside had helped to pass half an hour or so.

--

"Felix Felicis is one of the most complicated potions ever invented," Severus said as Hermione sat on the couch of the living room taking voluminous notes. "The potion is in fact partially completed already. You will be continuing the potion to its conclusion by working from my own notes."

"I'm not making it from scratch?" Hermione asked in surprise.

"The potion takes far more time than we have available. It is also very dangerous if made incorrectly and I have completed the most dangerous stages for you."

Hermione looked disappointed.

"If you are successful in completing the potion then perhaps I may let you work on it again more fully before the end of the summer," he relented.

"What does it do?" Hermione asked.

"It brings a person good luck for a limited time period," Severus replied. He risked a glance towards the hallway and caught sight of Wormtail eavesdropping as usual. Perfect!

He turned to pick up his notes and passed them to her. He didn't miss the look of relief on her face at having instructions to work from.

As he directed her towards the laboratory he heard the sound of Wormtail scurrying up the stairs to the floor above. He breathed his own sigh of relief that Wormtail was so predictable.

--

"Excellent work Miss Granger," Severus said as he looked at the potion she had made. "I've never seen a more perfectly brewed potion."

"Thank you Professor," Hermione stammered as she blushed with pride.

Severus wondered if she would be so pleased with his praise had she known that it was given only so that Wormtail could overhear the same.

"Leave it on the workbench in the cauldron," Severus instructed in the same loud voice. "I'll sort it into vials later. I'm afraid I don't have enough at the moment and need to purchase more."

Hermione nodded and started to gather her things.

Severus guided her towards the door. With his wand hidden behind his back he cast a quick non-verbal spell to switch the potion with one he'd prepared earlier. Then he closed the door behind him and forced himself to answer Hermione's endless questions as they awaited her parents' arrival.

--

Severus made sure to keep Wormtail out of his laboratory until precisely the right time. It meant that he had to suffer the rat's company even more than usual but he knew within minutes that the rodent was positively straining to get at the lucky potion stored in the basement.

Finally the time for the meeting with the Dark Lord approached and Severus set his plan into motion.

"I need to go purchase a rabbit," Severus said as he picked up the floo powder and turned towards the fireplace. "I'll only be gone a short while and then we'll depart for our meeting with the Dark Lord."

"You're going to try to trick the Dark Lord?" Wormtail asked. "You'll never succeed."

"Oh I don't know," Severus replied as he stepped into the fireplace. "I'm feeling rather lucky today."

The last thing he saw before he disappeared to Diagon Alley was Wormtail's greedy look towards the door to the laboratory.

Once in Diagon Alley he wandered down the street and looked into a few of the shop windows. He purchased some extra potions ingredients and vials and once he'd determined that Wormtail had had enough time to give into temptation and descend into the basement he returned to Spinners End.

--

Severus knew as soon as he saw Wormtail that he owed Hermione Granger a debt of gratitude.

He was also grateful that Wormtail had been thoroughly abysmal at Potions when he'd been at Hogwarts, and as such wouldn't be able to recognise one potion from another if they were labelled in words of one syllable.

Hermione's experiment with the Polyjuice potion in her second year had been the talk of the staff room for some time. The cat hairs she'd inadvertently mistaken for the hair of another student had had the most unexpected effect and she'd grown a tail, ears and fur whilst remaining human in other respects.

He was pleased to see that adding rabbit's fur, acquired from Bugs who had taken up residence in the larder, to the already brewed potion he kept for emergencies had had a similar effect.

Wormtail's always rat-like features were now covered with snowy white fur. His head was topped with long flopping ears of pure white – he was currently trying to pull one of them off – and when he turned around Severus could see that a rabbit's cottontail was poking out of the back of his trousers. His front teeth were longer and Severus was hard pushed to understand a word he was saying as he raged and swore the moment he had stepped into the room. At least the Dark Lord wouldn't be able to understand him either and therefore wouldn't be able to tell who it was that was standing before him.

"I see you're nearly ready for the meeting," Severus said quietly. "Excellent."

Wormtail swore again and Severus could see that he would have to drag the rodent to the meeting. He wasn't too bothered about the idea, it would give credence to the idea that he had _captured_ the elusive Easter Bunny.

He waved his wand at Wormtail and his clothes transformed to muggle clothing of pale pastel colours. He wondered whether to add a ribbon or two but decided that would perhaps be pushing things.

--

Severus apparated to the meeting place with Wormtail in tow. He let go of the other man as soon as they arrived and made a point of wiping his hand on his robes.

"I can't go in there like this," Wormtail whined. "What will people think?"

"They'll think you don't know how to make Polyjuice potion," Severus sneered. "Which is entirely accurate, since I'm quite sure you don't."

"I was very good at Potions," Wormtail argued.

"You were worse than Longbottom," Severus retorted. "The only reason you got an OWL in the subject at all is because you copied off Potter in the exam."

"How did- er…no I didn't."

Severus pushed Wormtail ahead of him as they went into the mansion and joined the rest of the Death Eaters.

Bellatrix Lestrange was the first to spot them and she let out of loud cackle of laughter as she watched Wormtail try to slink away.

"It's the Easter Bunny," Draco howled. "Where's my chocolate egg?"

Severus took a moment to wonder at the youngster's presence before he spotted the telltale sign of the dark mark peeking out of his robes. He scowled as he realised that the foolish child had decided to follow in his father's footsteps after all.

"I think he needs a few ribbons," Rodolphus suggested as he pulled out his wand and pointed it at Wormtail. Severus dodged rapidly out of the way as the multicoloured streamers flew across the room.

"I take it the Dark Lord is still…" Severus looked at Narcissa who was hovering near her son with an expression of concern on her face. She was the only one who wasn't rushing forward to greet the Easter Bunny.

"Completely crackers?" Narcissa concluded. "We don't know. He's not been seen all day."

"He seemed perfectly normal this morning," Draco pointed out. "When he spoke with me he…"

"Be quiet," Bellatrix hissed as she turned to glare at her nephew.

"We'll find out soon enough the state of the Dark Lord's mind," Severus commented with a shrug. Privately he mused that even if he was still over the border in the land of insanity he had plenty of company there. Many of his Death Eaters had either lost their sanity during their stay in Azkaban or had never been playing with a full deck to begin with.

A few minutes later and the meeting was about to begin. The sound of the Dark Lord descending the stairs sent those awaiting his presence scurrying towards the best seats in the room. The best seats being those near the back of course.

Severus sat down with Wormtail on the bench beside him and waited for the Dark Lord to speak.

"First order of business," Voldemort said with a glare around the room. "Which abysmally stupid imbecile put these dragon eggs in my basement?" He waved his wand and a large pile of eggs appeared in the centre of the room.

Severus was momentarily amazed at how many of the eggs had been smuggled into the country. He'd known the Ministry was a little lax on import/export security but this was ridiculous.

Several of the Death Eaters looked around the room innocently whilst one or two were edging towards the door. It seemed that the Dark Lord's latest episode was over.

"Don't you think they're a little close to the fireplace?" someone squeaked. "What if they start to hatch?"

"Then someone will have to round them up," Voldemort replied, even as one of the eggs started to move.

Several squeals sounded as the first of the eggs cracked open. Narcissa jumped on her chair squealing at the top of her lungs as she hopped from one foot to the other.

"Crucio!" Voldemort yelled and the spell shot across the room. Half a dozen Death Eaters hit the ground, including Narcissa, who had evidently decided that being on the ground with the dragons was preferable to being in firing range.

Voldemort sent a sweeping contemptuous glance around the room before his gaze came to rest on Wormtail. "Ah, Wormtail," he said. "Did you believe this meeting to be a fancy dress party?"

"Snape made me dress up like this," Wormtail whined. "He poisoned me."

Severus snorted at the barely audible accusation. Unfortunately Wormtail had had the presence of mind to point an accusing finger in his direction and the meaning of this was clear enough to everyone in the room.

"Severus Snape, explain yourself," Voldemort ordered as he pointed to the spot on the floor where he wished Severus to stand. The spot was point blank range for any spell the Dark Lord chose to fire off.

Severus stood and walked to the centre of the room, a close eye on the baby dragon that was even now breathing fire on the rest of the eggs that would no doubt be hatching too.

"Wormtail decided to sample a potion made by a student at my house during a private tutoring session. The potion was the Polyjuice potion which had unfortunately been contaminated with rabbit fur from a local pet. The potion was not for consumption and Wormtail did not have permission to drink it…or even be in my laboratory at all." Severus finished his explanation with a glare of contempt at Wormtail. Turning back to the Dark Lord he saw that he was being waved away and Wormtail was being beckoned.

Voldemort waved his wand to reduce the size of Wormtail's teeth and then gestured for him to explain.

"He said it was lucky potion," he complained as he pointed at Severus again.

"You mistook lucky potion for Polyjuice?" Voldemort asked incredulously. Several snickers sounded from the audience of Death Eaters. "Are you colour blind or just plain incompetent?"

"But he said…"

Wormtail stamped his foot in a temper but the sound was lost amidst the hatching of the rest of the dragon eggs.

Everyone hurried back from the swarm of dragons that now had the undivided attention of everyone in the room.

"Wormtail round them up before you leave," Voldemort ordered. "Meeting adjourned!" he called out as he bolted from the room.

The race for the door was on and Severus was pushed to the back as the Death Eaters ran for the proverbial hills.

Only Wormtail remained behind.

Severus caught one last glimpse of the little rat before he got out of the room. Peter Pettigrew, sometimes known as Wormtail was wailing like a baby, surrounded by newly hatched dragons and his cottontail was on fire thanks to one of the little darlings.

Severus left him trying to stretch round his ample proportions in order to put out the flames that were just out of his reach.

He wondered how long it would be before Wormtail was finished with his latest task and was fairly sure that it would take at least a week.

Which, of course, meant a week of blissful peace and quiet for Severus Snape.

The End

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Author Notes: I hope you enjoyed reading this story. If you enjoyed it I hope you will consider checking out some of my other stories. Thanks for taking the time to read this and especially bit thanks to everyone who has taken the time to not only read the story but to leave a review or write to me direct about it. The feedback and comments are all very much appreciated.


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